Classic Film: Spider Baby (1968)

 

Behold one of the most dysfunctional families imaginable. The three main psychopaths in writer-director Jack Hill’s twisted cult classic are inbred siblings (two girls and one dude) who live in a literal house of horrors.  One of the girls, Virginia (a.k.a. Spider Baby, played by the sexy Jill Banner) kisses her dead dad’s skull every night before bedtime. Dinner consists of freshly killed cat with a side of crunchy insects. And their brain dead aunts and uncles live in the basement and eat whatever humans are tossed down the garbage disposal. Aside from all of that, though, the house in Spider Baby is quite idyllic. 

 

Hill’s sick imagination is on full display throughout this black-and-white tingler. The conceit behind the title character is enough to send Spider Baby straight into the hearts of sleazy exploitation devotees: Spider Baby gets off on trapping people in a giant web and stabbing them with butcher knives, which, in her disturbed mind, simulates a spider’s stings. We’re all for experimentation in the bedroom, but that’s the wrong kind of freaky. 

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>>>CLICK HERE TO WATCH SPIDER BABY<<<

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Classic Review: Dark Star (1974)

Imagine stripping away all the tension and terror of Alien (1979) and replacing it with a babbling, stoner vibe and that is, pretty much, what you find in Dark Star (1974). Co-written, starring and edited by Alien co-creator Dan O'Bannon and directed by John Carpenter, Dark Star is a rough edged film about a low-rent crew working their fingers to the bone in deep space, destroying planets for The Man.

The space crew workers' ever-malfunctioning ship (with its lack of toilet paper) faces increasing obstacles, like a pesky alien mascot (the art director's painted beach ball) who won't go where he's told and the quarrelsome sentience of one of their world-killing bombs. The film also features bearded space hippies trying to calm down this freaked-out “Thermostellar Triggering Device” through a dialogue of rather heavy post-grad philosophy. This is indeed a cult classic to remember.

While the director's later films such as The Thing (1982) and Escape From New York (1981) would feature memorable endings of their own, few films in the Carpenter collection can compare with mass death spawned by robotic Cartesian doubt. Carpenter's early synthesizer score only makes it better.

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Classic Review: The Centerfold Girls (1974)

The Centerfold Girls (1974) is like any other sexploitation film; beautiful women being terrorized in the nude. However, unlike most of the others films in this genera, The Centerfold Girls (1974) has a great story to accommodate and justify the nudity and violence.

“The most beautiful girls in the world…” refers to the cast of twelve beautiful centerfold models whose lives are about to be cut short for their lack of shame. A thin, creepy man wearing saddle shoes and an ill-fitting suit drags the nude body of a young woman along an otherwise empty beach. Soon a number of other beautiful women turn up dead. Nurses, students, stewardesses… what’s the common thread? All were centerfold models for a popular men’s magazine, prey to a bloodthirsty psychotic with a straight razor!

Andrew Prine's take on the depraved religious fanatic who sets out to punish all the "immoral" women who posed for the tasteless men's magazine is fantastic. His creepy charms and manorisums match that of a deranged psycho; the way he delivers 'crazy' through wide cold eyes is most memorable. And the simple yet classic straight razor murder weapon works to the films advantage adding a more elegance to the murders as opposed to the typical over the top butchery of other similar films.

"The most beautiful girls in the world! He was their JUDGE... JURY... and EXECUTIONER!"

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Classic Poster: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Classic Review: Demon Seed (1977)

Demon Seed is a cult classic sci-fi/horror film ahead of its time. In the tradition of Cronenberg or Polanski's Rosemary's Baby (1968), instead of dealing with supernatural forces, it deals with the dangers of technology, how machinery can acquire its own will and start harming its creator in order to transcend their state similar to what we found in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)'s malevolent HAL 9000.

Scenes of vexations and torture are hunting by themselves; however, when accompanied by Jerry Fielding's score and the amazing performance by Julie Christie the film leaves viewers question the hold technology has on or lives, now more than ever.

Watch Demon Seed (1977) Here:

Classic Review: The Fly (1986)

David Cronenberg's The Fly is a classic movie that is hunting to the very last scene. It's a modern Frankenstein, where the mad scientist himself becomes an even madder experimental monster.

Though it's one of the most powerful movies ever made about the beast inside man, The Fly is not for the weak of stomach or faint of heart. The creative and original mind of David Cronenberg, makes us watch human organs become expendable as spare parts. Seth's hair falls out in tufts, his fingernails drop off, exposing the pupal- stage insect beneath, then his ears, nose... Jeff Goldblum embraces the insect nature of the fly side of his mind; his acting only heightening the amazing visual transformation.

"Be afraid, be very afraid," The Fly is very underrated for such an amazing achievement. Anyone who's witnessed a beloved die of cancer or other soul-destroying disease will recognize the horror of The Fly: the decomposition of a living human. Death redefines life. The transformation of the tender scientist into brutal fly is a specter that penetratingly redefines humanism.

In The Fly, Cronenberg literally shows us what distinguishes man from beast. Some call it conscience. The Fly is a humanist plea in horror-movie clothing. Parts of it are unwatchable. But it's unforgettable.

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Classic Top Ten: Car Films

After watching Drive (2011) the other night and posting The Driver (1978)s classic poster, I wanted to do a top ten list of some of the best cult classic of the car flick genera. When it comes to a good car film you need more than just a chase and a crash; you need a really good character behind the wheel, the driver. It is the reason why Drive (2011) was so successful, why Death Proof (2007) was so exciting and why those damn Fast and the Furious movies are forever being released. We love car films not for the cars but for the drivers, and so I present the top ten car films based on the characters who are driving the story forward.

#10 - American Graffiti (1973)

American Graffiti is a wealth of classic hot rods and hijinx as Richard Dreyfuss and Ron Howard take one last road tip. We don't see the Bluth's stair-car but we did get a  George Lucas classic that doesn't involve space nor Harrison Ford.

#9 - Bullitt (1968)

Steve McQueen is the cop who's tearing up the streets of San Francisco in a Ford Mustang Fastback chasing down the bad guys.

#8 - Gone in 60 Seconds (1974)

So it won't be making a 'classic poster' post but the film is amazing, and no, this isn't the Angelina Jolie dreadlocks remake. The original has all the car thievery you could need without the ever engaging Nic Cage. The polt is the same with the gang commissioned to steal 48 cars, including a troublesome Ford Mustang nicknamed “Eleanor.”

#7 Mad Max 2 (1981)

While I personally enjoy the first Mad Max the best, it's Mad Max 2 where the character of Max is refined to the Australian post-apocalyptic version of Clint Eastwood's man with no name. The plot isn't mach to boast but the film stills sets high standards for brooding heroes and car films in general.

#6 - Death Race 2000 (1975)

Post-apocalyptic motorsport is all about pedestrian roadkill, according to this '70s B-movie. David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone are among the drivers racing to get to the finish line while accumulating enough points from taking out street-crossing grannies. Once again my point is made; it is Carradine's Frankenstein that the audience want to see overcome challenges and accept love. It could be argued that Frankenstein was the face we pictured when thinking about car films of the 70s, now it is likely Vin Diesel and his CGI flying cars.

#5 - Le Mans (1971)

Clearly I enjoy  Steve McQueen as the petrol-head behind the wheel. Here he plays a racing driver trying to win the 24-hour race Le Mans. Despite the fact that McQueen and the rest of the cast don't speak for the first 37 minutes, this is still an interesting take as far as motorsport movies get, with the feel and realism of a documentary. It is a classic, similar to Days of Thunder (1990) but without Tom Cruise.

#4 - Vanishing Point (1971)

I have reviewed Vanishing Point in much greater detail as one of my 'classic watch' reviews. The driver, Kowalski is hired to deliver a stock 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine and a white paint job, from Colorado to San Francisco. He also takes a bet that he'll make the deadine in under 15 hours.

#3 - Goldfinger (1964)

James Bond and cars go together like olives and martinis. While you may disagree with this pick its hard to say no, doctor. Bond might be of the spy genera but at the heart of all his adventures 007 always finds himself behind the wheel of a high performance car. Goldfinger (1964) is by far my favorite example of a good chase scene from the franchise.

#2 - The French Connection (1971)
 

The car chase in The French Connection is as much of a masterpiece as Gene Hackman's character, it is the jewel of an already great film. There is a reason The French Connection is still being discussed today. 

#1 - The Blues Brothers (1980)

Well, we started with American Graffiti and an all American road trip, we have to end with the best God damn road trip movie ever, right?! The Blues Brothers (1980) is by far the best car film ever made. We have the chases, the crashes, the getaways and the road tripping. The car has a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. It is as much a part of the gang as any other member of the band. The classic of all car films is by all rights #1 on this list of car films whose drivers make the movie great.

Classic Review: Caged Heat (1974)

Caged Heat centers on the story of Jacqueline Wilson, who is sentenced to a women's prison after her conviction of illegal drug offenses. Wilson, quickly associates herself with a group of fellow female convicts, and they fight against the repressive policies of the prison's warden played by Barbara Steele.

This is a down-the-barrel sexploitation film with nudity, sex and blood. The punishments dished out to the corrupted guards during the girls escape is the highlight of the film. While the market was flooded with sexploitation films about women's prisons, Caged Heat offered elements of liberal politics, feminism and social consciousness making it more interesting than the run-of-the-mill, women-in-prison exploitation movie.

Barbara Steele's portrayal as the sadistic female warden is a classic example of the more memorable villains born of the exploitation genera.

The highlight of the film is when the girls break free from the prison and turn their violent revenge on the town, proclaiming never to go back unless their in body bags. The police shoot out with the girls is by far the most memorable and enjoyable scene as the girls prove their worth.

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Classic Poster: The Driver (1978)

 

He's the best getaway man in the business...and the deadliest.

Classic Review: The Andromeda Strain (1971)

The works of Michael Crichton have always inspired classic movies with cult followings. The 1971 film adaptation of his novel The Andromeda Strain is vastly superior to the tacky and forgettable 2008 miniseries. When the capsule of the Scoop Mission returns to Earth and lands in the small town of Piedmont, it brings a mutant living being; the source of all the towns populations deaths. A team of five scientists – the leader Dr. Jeremy Stone, Dr. Charles Dutton, Dr. Mark Hall, Dr. Ruth Leavitt and Dr. Kirkie – are gathered together in the top secret Wildfire facility. Fighting against time, they try to understand the reason why the only survivors of the town are uninfected and research an antidote to Andromeda, the ultimate biological weapon.

The director successfully achieved an unsettling ticking clock feel as the scientist struggle to find an antidote to the deadly Andromeda Strain. The sets are used beautifully alongside the classic props of the genera; the Scoop Mission capsule is a fantastic example of good art direction in a time when physically making something extraordinary was crucial to a films success.

 

The Andromeda Strain is one of those cult classics that filmmakers of today are still using as inspiration and homaging.

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Classic Trailer: Soylent Green (1973)

"What is the secret of Soylent Green?" The cat might be out of the bag on that one but this sci-fi is still an amazing classic.

Classic Review: The Girl From Starship Venus (1975)

A trashy but classic sex fantasy about a creature from another galaxy that transforms itself into a voluptuous woman in order fully to understand human ways and emotions. The film is essential a softcore porno foreshadowing the popular 90s film Species. 

It seems that the only thing that these aliesn know of Earth is a pretty good grasp of the English language, but nothing of the basic rules of society. The comedy comes from the rather oblivious, but good natured, observations of Earth society by The Surveyor. She knows nothing of the concepts of clothing, food, time, or sex. She has no emotions and has no physical senses to speak of, besides her sense of sight. The Soho district in London at this time was like Times Square in New York, an area heavily populated with porn theaters and adult book stores, so The Surveyor, and her robotic demeanor, falls headlong into an atmosphere of sexploration. But her adventures are not completely sexual in nature. The destinations of The Surveyor include, along with a visit to both a porn movie theater and an adult bookshop, a visit to a laundromat where she meets an old lady and learns of the inevitability of aging in the Doms. While there, she meets up with a nice man, a Good Samaritan of sorts, who offers her a place to sleep for the night. The Surveyor also ends up at a wedding and hooks up with a guy there, with less than erotic results.

The Girl From Starship Venus is one of those classic films with a unique visual style that is reminiscent of the era. You know you're in for a good fun time when the films tag line makes use of the childish humor of the number 69.

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Classic Review: Suspiria (1977)

From his stylish, atmosphere-laden opening, director Dario Argento relentlessly assaults his audience with his own rock score as Jessica Harper gets threatened by location, cast, weather and camera. The extraordinarily grotesque murders pile up as Argento happily abandons plot mechanics to provide a bravura display of his technical skill and with his naturally sharp eye for the bizarre, it's always fascinating to watch; the thrills and spills that the movie delivers. Suspiria is a treat for classic horror fans and a must watch for modern horror filmmakers who often miss their mark.

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Classic Trailer: Blacula (1972)

Blacula! - Dracula's Soul Brother

Classic Poster: Hail Caesar (1973)

The Cat with the .45 caliber claws is non other than Fred Williamson.

Rewind Remake: I Spit on Your Grave (1978)

Director, Meir Zarchi offered us a classic film with a common theme: revenge! 1978's "I Spit on Your Grave" is a cult classic from the world of exploitation cinema. In the film, a young novelist moves from New York to a cabin in the woods in-order to finish her book; however, she gains the unwanted attention of some local men who attack and rape her... repeatedly... oh! and they destroy her manuscript; as a young writer this would but absolutely gut retching. After she recovers, she systematically hunts down and violently murders each of the men who violated her in a roaring rampage of revenge and quickly learn why "no jury in America would ever convict her!"

Because of the graphic and explicit violence, the movie was banned in some countries; in the U.S., the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) went to federal court in 1984 to seek an X rating on the movie. According to the suit, the producers allegedly added more sexually explicit content after the film initially received an R rating. In addition to the extreme rape and murder-based violence, the movie is notable for prompting Roger Ebert to write in 1980 that seeing "I Spit on Your Grave" was "one of the most depressing experiences of my life."

This cult film leaves you feeling very ill indeed; the visuals have a dramatic affect on the audience, similar to the sickening Cannibal Holocaust (1980) which has a very real feel to its dark themes.

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Classic Poster: Mad Max (1979)

The classic Australian car film offers a beautiful poster that encapsulates the film in a dry heat of bunt rubber and gunpowder.