Classic Review: Dark Star (1974)

Imagine stripping away all the tension and terror of Alien (1979) and replacing it with a babbling, stoner vibe and that is, pretty much, what you find in Dark Star (1974). Co-written, starring and edited by Alien co-creator Dan O'Bannon and directed by John Carpenter, Dark Star is a rough edged film about a low-rent crew working their fingers to the bone in deep space, destroying planets for The Man.

The space crew workers' ever-malfunctioning ship (with its lack of toilet paper) faces increasing obstacles, like a pesky alien mascot (the art director's painted beach ball) who won't go where he's told and the quarrelsome sentience of one of their world-killing bombs. The film also features bearded space hippies trying to calm down this freaked-out “Thermostellar Triggering Device” through a dialogue of rather heavy post-grad philosophy. This is indeed a cult classic to remember.

While the director's later films such as The Thing (1982) and Escape From New York (1981) would feature memorable endings of their own, few films in the Carpenter collection can compare with mass death spawned by robotic Cartesian doubt. Carpenter's early synthesizer score only makes it better.

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Classic Review: The Centerfold Girls (1974)

The Centerfold Girls (1974) is like any other sexploitation film; beautiful women being terrorized in the nude. However, unlike most of the others films in this genera, The Centerfold Girls (1974) has a great story to accommodate and justify the nudity and violence.

“The most beautiful girls in the world…” refers to the cast of twelve beautiful centerfold models whose lives are about to be cut short for their lack of shame. A thin, creepy man wearing saddle shoes and an ill-fitting suit drags the nude body of a young woman along an otherwise empty beach. Soon a number of other beautiful women turn up dead. Nurses, students, stewardesses… what’s the common thread? All were centerfold models for a popular men’s magazine, prey to a bloodthirsty psychotic with a straight razor!

Andrew Prine's take on the depraved religious fanatic who sets out to punish all the "immoral" women who posed for the tasteless men's magazine is fantastic. His creepy charms and manorisums match that of a deranged psycho; the way he delivers 'crazy' through wide cold eyes is most memorable. And the simple yet classic straight razor murder weapon works to the films advantage adding a more elegance to the murders as opposed to the typical over the top butchery of other similar films.

"The most beautiful girls in the world! He was their JUDGE... JURY... and EXECUTIONER!"

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Classic Review: Caged Heat (1974)

Caged Heat centers on the story of Jacqueline Wilson, who is sentenced to a women's prison after her conviction of illegal drug offenses. Wilson, quickly associates herself with a group of fellow female convicts, and they fight against the repressive policies of the prison's warden played by Barbara Steele.

This is a down-the-barrel sexploitation film with nudity, sex and blood. The punishments dished out to the corrupted guards during the girls escape is the highlight of the film. While the market was flooded with sexploitation films about women's prisons, Caged Heat offered elements of liberal politics, feminism and social consciousness making it more interesting than the run-of-the-mill, women-in-prison exploitation movie.

Barbara Steele's portrayal as the sadistic female warden is a classic example of the more memorable villains born of the exploitation genera.

The highlight of the film is when the girls break free from the prison and turn their violent revenge on the town, proclaiming never to go back unless their in body bags. The police shoot out with the girls is by far the most memorable and enjoyable scene as the girls prove their worth.

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